When I say that I feel crazy, it means that I feel out of control. Like I’m losing my mind. I get overstimulated. Things become intolerable. I feel like I cannot handle anything. Like the world is burning around me.

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If you were to ask my mom if I handle change well, she would probably say that I don’t, especially last minute changes. This change isn’t last minute, but it is drastic. Going from one day a week of work to 4 days is a huge change for me. It is enough to throw off my balance, and I’m sure some of you can relate.

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I hope I clearly articulate and put across the messages that I want to send with these blog posts, and with my interactions with those who are a part of my life. How do you like to articulate? Do you usually like fully-formed thoughts and sentences before verbalizing? Or do you just go with the flow and verbalize as it comes to you?

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I’ve grown used to this stability. Clinging onto it like a rock among the ocean waves. No matter how much the water moved around me, crashing into me and the rock, I had something to hold onto. It’s this stability that has allowed me to start feeling better, getting better. 

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The Goal of War

You don’t see past that minute that you are alive. You are just focusing on living one more minute. Sometimes you can extend it to a half an hour, hour, a day. Having long-term goals always seemed so silly to me….I barely have a memory of what it was like before the war. I’m not sure when it started. I know it didn’t start with an assassination of an archduke or a bombing. I’m sure the start was slow. One where young Tara was caught unawares, and so her family and friends as well.

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Do You Agree With The Ban On Trans Soldiers?

I’m exhausted by the amount of posts that I feel the need to respond to. Every time I see someone post about it, I get a twinge of guilt as I hide the post, no longer feeling able to defend this. It saddens me how many people feel like they are in the right for having the views that they do. It saddens me that my own comrades would say that their brothers and sisters shouldn’t be allowed into the military.

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