Patience, Part 1

Today begins a 3-day ice storm in St. Louis. If there was ever a time to hole myself into my apartment and be a hermit, it would be this weekend.

That said, I am relatively busy. I was supposed to have my second therapy appointment today. I am supposed to have football practice tonight. Tomorrow morning, I am supposed to have football practice again. And, I have errands to run.

Not to mention, I’ve pretty much holed myself up in my apartment for the past two weeks. Sure, I’ve been out with friends, went to an interview, therapy, and my first football practice. But, in a span of two weeks that is not exactly busy.

For those of you who know me well, you know that I can be quite the hermit. It’s easy for me. It’s comfortable for me. The cold, dangerous outside world is a wonderful excuse for me to use.

However, I get antsy. Stir-crazy. I long for adventure. I was glad to have therapy as an excuse this morning to get out of my apartment. Then, I can run errands, and feel productive. It would relieve some of the restlessness. However, since it has been cancelled, I cannot convince my mind to leave.

I am often restless. Despite my default hermit tendencies, I feel anxious and like I am constantly missing out on some sort of progression of life.

In life, there are several progressions. There’s the natural one of aging. There’s corporate ladders, familial, and economical (that you hope there would be some progression in). Any one of these could be considered a progression of life. But, they are not what keeps me up at night.

The progression of life that I think about is an experiential one. So, this experiential progression is something I need to define for you. Experience is such a broad term. We label just about anything as an experience. What I am talking about is the kind that grows you. The life-altering kind that changes you. It helps you define who you are, and who you aren’t.

We, as a society, do not foster or value such a thing. We want people to fit into molds. You want this job? Well, you have to have this degree, and this many years of experience in the very job you are applying for. We think of people who go out and seek life-altering experiences as an unproductive member of society.

These experiences that I long for are addicting. It’s an addiction that has made most other experiences seem bland and tasteless. I’m sure there is a way to recreate such a powerful response to a normal experience, but I haven’t quite figured out the formula for that.

For now, I have to wait. I wait for my next therapy appointment to shed some light on things. I wait for my next football practice (which now it won’t be until Wednesday because of the ice). I wait for a life-altering experience to satisfy that itch that I have to grow and evolve. It’s hard being patient. I’m not sure I even know how to be. But, it is something I will learn.

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